Baby Einstein Bagels

I decided to take genius and bruiser out after I picked up genius from kindergarten. I asked them where they wanted to go, and they screamed,

"BABY EINSTEIN BAGELS!"

It's too much work to explain to them that Baby Einstein is a profitable entertainment scam to make you feel like you are educating your child with "nourishing content" (and I'm a total victim :) ) and Einstein Bagels is a chain of eateries.

We stroll into the moderately crowded Einstein's, and they boys proceed to meander around everywhere, and I am sure as my back is turned, several people are boring their eyes into my head, sending me the message to control my offspring.

After I order (I do this fast to minimize the damage in the eatery) I turn around expecting mayhem. Instead, genius has set up camp at a table near some friendly elderly women. He directs bruiser to get a chair for mommy, and he does, dragging a chair that is easily 7" taller than him.

Genius has been conversing deeply with these ladies by the time I get all the drinks/snacks/purse settled without dropping anything. Apparently genius has been leaking personal home information about hubby and myself. I pray none of it is pornographic!

However, genius keeps everything PG, is super charming, and bruiser echoes his every word in order to earn some attention. I actually get to eat a few bites of my sandwich.

The boys are on their best behavior, and wish the ladies a nice day as they leave.

Then, genius turns to me and says, with a smirk,"Remember when I accidentally saw you naked one morning (giggles) and saw your 'gina?" OH MY GOD!

If there really is a rip in the fabric of time, this would have been a good time to rip it.

I looked around furtively and prayed the yuppie at the next table was too involved in picking his teeth to hear. Then I quietly explained that we NEVER talk about things like that in public.

Genius gave me a thoughtful look, and said,"Mom, can I ask you something?"

Thinking he was going to ask about the human body, etc, "Sure!"

"Can I have Heelies?"

I think I need a drink.